Driving

So, I tried driving yesterday when Frendell and I were out and he had a meeting with someone. I thought I'd just give the old car a spin... so, it wasn't too bright of an idea. Very difficult for me to maneuver the wheel yet and hard to turn my body when I'm changing lanes, etc. Got home and I was tired from the effort and had some throbbing in my right arm/chest area.. so, I'm leaving the driving to him for at least another couple of weeks... then watch out, I just may show up in your neighborhood. Actually, I didn't drive too far, for those of you who may be worried.. just went about a block or so, then walked around in the store for awhile, then picked him up and we went home. Yeah, I forgot I wasn't supposed to drive coz I'm still taking some meds that make me kinda dizzy... I won't be so careless next time.. ooopppsss...

Wellness House - 1st support group meeting

Today was a very rainy and overcast day in Chicago... I wish it were snow instead.. but Frendell was thankful it was rain, coz he would have had to shovel ALOT of snow.

 

Before the doctor's appointment today, I went to the Wellness House in Hinsdale for my first cancer support group meeting. It's called Women Connected From The Start. The Wellness House is an organization that provides educational, emotional, social support to people and their families who are struggling through cancer. They have over 50 classes/groups/meetings that go on every month and they have specific ones for husbands and children, as well as for the cancer patient. We went there prior to my surgery, so we can be connected to a support system who can guide us through the different things. 

I was the first to arrive and the other women started trickling in. Our facilitator was Marta. Two ladies were talking about one of them, who had a really cute short haircut, one that I've wished I could have if I had straight hair.  So, since it's my first time and I wasn't thinking, I complimented her and said, "I really love your hair.. it's a very cute cut on you". The other lady, an older woman, looked at me sharply and said, "it's a wig, don't you know?".  Frankly, I didn't. I didn't even think about it. Since I'm not in that part of my treatment and since I didn't see any bald women, I didn't think about it. Later on, a lady did come in with a shaven head.. but everyone else either had wigs on or their hair had grown back already.

There ended up to be 9 of us. Two of us were new today. 8 of us have breast cancer, the older lady, K, has lung cancer. We're all in different stages of our treatment. 5 are undergoing chemotherapy. I'm the most recent surgery. 1 is in radiation. 1 finished all her treatments in October and K had surgery to remove 40% of one of her lungs, but is not on any follow-up treatments or meds. I felt so bad for her. She told us she didn't even really want to come to group today and had to drag herself there. She was teary-eyed (and so was I) when she told us that we are fortunate to have such wonderful support from our families and friends, as she has no one to help her, with her decisions or with anything. I wanted to give her a hug or at least pat her hand, but she glared at me and then she stopped talking. I kinda felt bad, because the rest of us can relate at some way or another to our treatments because we all have breast cancer and she was totally lost. She didn't really want any help and suggestions from anyone. It broke my heart... and I again was reminded how blessed I am for all I have.

It was good experience for me. I learned that one lady is having chemotherapy to shrink her tumor, even prior to her having a lumpectomy. I learned that women have alot of spirit and even something as painful and devastating as cancer can bring closeness and comaraderie. Most of the women there were working, taking days off for their treatments. They have travel plans or projects that they are working on or looking forward to. They are living life...it's going on and they are embracing life and not letting the disease stop them. As I looked around and listened as the others shared what they were going through, I was filled with hope again. Someday, we don't have to go to the doctor every week, sometimes twice a week. Someday, we won't have to have as many blood tests or take as many medications. The lady who is finished with her treatments is in another phase and was recommended to attend another class, "Time to Mend". Marta said that when you're done with treatments, it's another very stressful time, because all of a sudden, you don't have all those appointments and medical support that you've had for so long. Wow! never even thought that far ahead.. but it was good to hear.. and it was reassuring to know that Wellness House has that class when i need it.

I will keep K in my prayers. I"ve always know our attitude would play a big part in our recovery. She says she's in alot of pain and if she doesn't have anyone to talk to about it or anyone who empathizes with her, that's gotta be devastating. I pray that she will allow us to be of comfort to her. i pray that she will meet friends where she lives and that she will not shut others out. I am grateful that there are people who fund the Wellness House and other organizations like it... I'm glad there are people who want to help people like us and our families... when I listen to the news, all I hear are bad things about people... when i went to the Wellness House today, I was reminded that love, care, support and the human spirit is still there... I was reminded that God still touches people's hearts and they are still responding. Who is in our community? Are you giving comfort to someone else? Are you allowing yourself to receive comfort as well? 

Husband's last post, I think...

Hi Everyone,

There is so much to post I'm just going to come out and say this post is going to be a really long one. For those of you who don't like long posts from me please feel free to just skip this one. For those of you who like my long posts and show your wisdom, great taste, and virtually guarantee your eternal life in heaven because of your virtue, hehe...well here it goes. Would it be alright if I just admit that I'm a mess. I feel like I'm at the ledge of everything sane and something is just tugging on me to jump. I'm really not sure which is harder, to be the one in pain or to be the one who sees your love one be in pain. Every part of me wants to run, but there is no where to run, because all I really want to do is stay. For every stressful situation, I've always looked forward to a vacation where I can just relax and be reenergized to face the next wave of stress...there is no vacation from this stressor, and just when I thought I've reached my limit, I'm sure God's grace comes along and gives me more energy, grace, and even joy to get me through. The only time I can possibly relax is when Glady is pain free, and right now the tunnel or the journey seems so long, dark, and dare I say endless. So some nights I want to sleep, and yet don't want to. There is so much to do and yet not enough energy or emotional strength to do it. Thus the confusion and just plain frazzledness, if that even is a word. But like all dark moments in my life God comes in and His brightness takes away every dark corner of my heart and mind. It sounds weird and so clicheish. If someone else was writing it, I would think they were just using religious rubbish to calm themselves or even sermonize, which honestly I tend to do. But for me, this is the truth. Even as Glady named this site "journey of hope," we've always wondered where the hope was going to come in, and we wanted to know whether one can experience hope where there doesn't seem to be anything even close to an inkling of a glitter of a microscopic dust of hope to be seen. I know I'm being way too dramatic, but that's what happens to me when I'm near insanity. As we met with the oncologist two days ago, we were given three choices of treatments, all of which will include atleast 5 years of medications that will make Glady even more depressed and change her body even more than it's already been changed. I'm like, "you're going to give my wife something that will make her more depressed... for five years...and this is the best the medical field can come up with." That just sounded like ... either your cancer will kill you or we'll give you something that makes you wish your cancer will kill you. We were in the same room when the same doctor told us Glady was cancer free and we were so giddy, we all felt like 8th graders who were out on their first date (or in these days, 3rd graders who were out on their first date). Now we got out of there thinking alright, I think the depression starts even before the treatment starts. Me being who I am started thinking, I guess this is better than death, but it really isn't that much better.
As we wept through the process of making such impossible decisions, God somehow comes in again and uses it as a teaching tool to learn more about who we are, who God is, and how He works things out. These are some of the things I learned. 1. I realize how valuable my wife is to me. As we wept through another discussion the other day, mainly because we both had our moments of just feeling utterly sorry for ourselves, I was just overwhelmed by this feeling that I was very happy that she was alive. Can one really be very happy when you're crying tears of pain. I know it sounds like I'm the one who needs the 5 years of treatment,but I have never felt so much love and care for Glady as I do now. As she lamented on the fact that I have to help her with everything and how useless she feels, I know deep in my heart I meant every word when I told her she could never be useless or a burden to me. All of a sudden, God impressed on me that we could never be a burden to Him. This was great news to me because there have been times in my life when I've wondered whether God just gets sick and tired of me. I do everything to mess Him up, and He has to do virtually everything for me, and yet He tells me He loves me. I didn't quite get the depth of it all until that day. And I know my feelings is not even close to the love He has for me. That revelation put me on a high for a few hours. That is just way too cool. 2. I"ve learned who our closest friends are. Sometimes as a pastor, the line of friendship and just being a member of my church becomes blurred and you think you have so many friends, when really you just have a bunch of acquaintances. Glady and I have always categorized those who know us because it's a lot of people. There is the mass of acquaintances who know us and we know them and we're friendly to each other. There is another group of people who aren't that friendly to us, but we won't even mention them. And honestly, we have a great group of acquaintances who have gone so far as given as cards and continually told us that they were thinking and praying for us. Then there's the next rung in the ladder of friendship and those are our friends. We have a little more history with them than acquaintances and they too in their special way have provided us with hope and joy. Then there are our close friends. This circle, for me, I can count with both my hands only. And the ones that are rare and we've come to value so much are our intimate friends. We can only count these gems with one hand, but just the thought of them brings a smile to our hearts. Just talking about them makes us feel like the wealthiest people in the world. O.K., again, I'm being way too melodramatic, but then again...not really. The biggest surprise in this whole experience is how so many people got shuffled in our friendship ladder. There were those whom we thought were acquaintances who were really intimate friends and vice versa. There's nothing like a crisis that brings your best friends out, and our friends did come out, much to our surprise and delight. As I think about all the blessings our friends and acquaintances have been to us, again I began to be impressed that God knew this whole experience was going to happen all along, and right when we've needed friends, He prepared an overwhelming amount of them came out. Expressing how much y'all mean to us and describing the many ways you've blessed our lives would just be too long to describe in a blog. Again God says, "I've brought my whole network with me, and Verizon has nothing on me..." Someday I would like to see just how many angels were sent our way, because I'm sure it's a whole lot more than the humans He sent our way, and I think it would be too cool to meet them. I don't know about you, but just the thought brightens up my day, and when you experience God's actual presence through your darkness, for me I've actually smiled through my tears and had peace through my craziness. 3. Our family. Y'all make us smile just thinking of you. You actually weren't a surprise. There were just too many times when Glady and I mention y'all and the incredible blessing you've been to us. You are the ones who have seen us in our best and in our ugliest moments, and your constant love and support reminds us of a God who'se love for us is unconditional. 4. I've been blessed to see the smile and strength Glady has shown through this whole experience. Yeah, I'll say it loud and clear, I am so proud of my wife. It really is possible to smile through your pain. To be strong at your weakest moment. To show grace through chaos. To have faith through times of doubt. To have hope when everything seems hopeless. To be married to someone who shows me all of that consistently is nothing short of spectacular and incredibly special. It helps me feel sane at my hair pulling crazy moments. It shows me God's incredible wisdom and grace through moments when I think He's either lost it or just clueless. It has made me see her value, and the precious diamond that God gave me has shone through even at the period of her life when she feels the ugliest, the most useless, and the most hopeless. There have been many days when we don't want to know what tomorrow will bring. Honestly, there have been conversations of not looking forward to tomorrow. But borrowing from the words of a famous song, "I don't know about tomorrow...But I know who holds tomorrow and I know who holds my hand."
I have learned a lot of things through this experience. I've learned not to faint at the sight of blood. I've learned to be gentle in my touch, even though I'm sure Glady probably hasn't experienced what I've learned yet. I've learned to appreciated the small but great things in life. Most of all, I've learned that God is greater than all our fears. For me, His voice, His leadings, His presence, and His Word...would have been more than enough. But He has overwhelmed us with all of you, and little by little has sent us His love and care through you. There has been many a dark day in the Reyes household these past year, but God has lit up the place and made it disappear many times. I've learned He is the light, not merely at the end of the tunnel, but the light as you go through the tunnel. And as much as the whole journey still feels very much like a tunnel, God has his own little surprises in the journey. Surprises that show His love and care, and we've learned and chosen to say, "it is enough for us to know that He's there..." The tunnel may not feel like a walk in a park...but if God is in the tunnel, we're pretty sure it's the only place we want to be in. I'm pretty sure we'll be in the tunnel for a while. But as I've learned from one of my favorite pastors, "God does His best work in caves." For those of you who have chosen to take this journey with us, I'm not sure how we can possibly thank you. Please know that whatever you've done and in whatever capacity you've helped us in, whether its just praying for us or giving your all, you have changed our world for the better. Thank you for taking the journey with us, and for those who choose not to leave us alone through this journey...I can only hope we can truly express our gratitude to you. God Bless You all.

Pseudomonas & Enterecocci Infection

Yesterday, we had an oncology appointment, which lasted for more than 3 hours. Lots of waiting and then lots of information given to us regarding chemotherapy and the other clinical studies they're doing for new medication for pre-menopausal women.  So, we have a lot of reading to do and we have to make a decision on what treatment option to take. It's alot to process in one sitting.  I showed Dr. Robinson the area in the reconstruction where the blister had popped and there seemed to be an infection. I had called the nurse from plastic surgery last week and she didn't think it was a big deal and told me to wash it daily and apply bacitracin. Ok, so we did that and Frendell said it's getting worse.  So, Dr. Robinson looked at it and put me on antibiotics (cephlexin... i don't remember the name of it); she also took a swab to rule out MRSA.  After the oncology appointment, she told us to go to the Coleman Foundation Self-Awareness Department. So we went there and stayed another hour. The lady there helped me find supportive undergarment that I can use while I'm healing. She was a little upset that I hadn't gone there prior to surgery. They actually have a camisole they give you that has pockets, where you can put your ballz/ornaments after surgery!!  Imagine that!! Oh well.. even it it's too late for that, at least I have support now 

:-)  :-)  When we got home, i was exhausted. So we ate an early dinner and then I went to sleep... and of course woke up around 11 p.m. and then couldn't sleep until 4 a.m.

Today, Dr. Robinson called me back to confirm some of the initial findings of the test. Pseudomonas...and some enterecocci infection. So, I'm taking the wrong antibiotics... so, she is changing the prescription. If this is not working, the Infection Control Dept wants to see me.  When will it stop?  Anyways, she will call the plastic surgeon, Dr. Vandevender, to update him on what's going on. He will not be happy. I hope the nurse doesn't get in trouble when he finds out I called last week to report about it and she told me she "didn't think it was a big deal, probably nothing.. I think you should put bacitracin and it should be fine". I even offered to move up my appointment date so the dr can check it out, but she didn't think it was necessary. Oh well. I called her this morning (before the doctor called me) and told her that the oncologist had swabbed it and put me on antibiotics.  We'll have to see what Dr. V will say when I see him later on this week.

so, that's the latest update... also a small infection on the incision part in my belly.... the belly-button one is drying up though...  I hope that antibiotics work.. sometimes this bacteria is nocomial and medicine-resistant... I don't need this.. I told Frendell I'm so tired of taking meds.. and I will have to take more daily for 5 years... help

Alone on a Sunday afternoon, unedited

some days are harder than others... Frendell's playing volleyball right now and I hope his team is winning. I'm not sure where they are in the team standings.. I just hope they're doing well. His knee has been bothering him and has been locking up, but does he listen to me? Of course not... oh well.. his knee.. i hope he'll contact his PT soon and resume therapies.

So, i'm home alone with my thoughts and my computer.. not always a good combination... last night was a hard night. I worried about Frank and his family stranded at the airport for over 6 hours; they were finally able to get on a plane and got home very late their time. I'm sure the kids were exhausted.. there's no place to rest at an airport. I miss them all very much... they helped us cook, clean, go shopping, laundry and change my dressings.  I've got an area of infection and I need to change the bandages at least twice a day...

sometimes I have this overwhelming feeling of sadness when everyone's gone. Trying to find light at the end of the tunnel is hard when there's so much pain. sometimes I wonder if it was worth it all this pain. Trying to figure out what to do once I'm done with all the treatments is another barrier I have to overcome. I'm not sure if I have to energy and stamina to plan that far ahead. Do you ever walk around in the dark, groping the walls, trying to find the switch to turn on the light so you won't stab your toe? sometimes I feel like that.. walking around in darkness... even though my conscious, rational mind KNOWS that I am very fortunate and blessed with so many things and so many people, my feelings don't always catch up. And I'm groping the walls to try and turn on the switch, so the light will flood the room.. to wake up from this nightmare of constant pain and lack of sleep and dread to what tomorrow may bring.  some of you will probably criticize me for sounding ungrateful and for being so dark....  i'm  sorry to disappoint you... but this is the reality of my journey through cancer.  it may be from the pain, from the meds, from lack of sleep, or frustration from not being able to find a comfortable position.. it may be from being anxious about what chemotherapy may bring or how it would make me feel.. or it may be coming from feeling detached from the real world... from missing being part of a team that makes a difference in a child's life.. maybe it's coming from fear that after all is said and done, there is still a question that didn't get answered.. what did I do that made a difference to anyone... the fear of the answer: nothing...

so, on this Sunday afternoon, where is the hope in this journey? Frendell, when he came home after a very long and exhausting day last night, came to bed to take a nap.  Poor guy had no chance. I had been at home alone since Frank, Candy & the kids left for the airport @ 10a.m. and I wanted to talk to someone.. and he'd already used up more than his 25,000 words that day, but I wanted to hear how his day went.  So, after a short nap, he sat next to me.. and listened to my melancholy heart. Poor husband, so not melancholy but choleric and sometimes phlegmatic...  when I asked him that question, where is the hope in this journey? his answer gave me pause and made me cry.  He said that many times we look for the light at the end of the tunnel, and usually that light translates to some comfort level for us... it doesn't matter what that comfort may be.  He gently reminded me that the hope in the journey is just knowing that God is with us through it all... pain, tears, quiet times, sadness, nausea, separation, loneliness, blood tests, lack of sleep, more blood tests, infections...  God is there and He is holding us close to Him, whispering words of comfort and peace, whether or not we feel it.  It gave me pause... and even though the tears fell silently, it was enough to give me hope for the night and today, I remember that as i sit here quietly alone on a Sunday afternoon. I can hear people walking right outside my window.. I can see the sunlight through the slats of the blinds... and I have to remind myself the the hope in the journey is that God is sitting here next to me and my computer, giving me a hug and telling me that He is with me, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much I miss everyone... even though Frendell is still an hour from coming home.  So, I offer you the same hope.. that whatever you're doing this Sunday afternoon, God is there next to you, offering you the same comfort and peace He has offered me... I will take it, will you?

thanking God for answered prayers

I wanted to end this section of the blog updates with a Prayer of Thanksgiving to God for answering our prayers. If you read my earlier blog, last Friday Dr. Robinson said that with this past surgery, Dr. Sarker (surgeon) was able to remove all the cancer, both in the tissue and in the lymph nodes.  Whew.. did you hear our sigh of relief? did you see our smiles that we couldn't hide?  We are so grateful to God for hearing our prayers and your prayers as well. We know so many of you, in the hundreds, have been praying on my behalf, for our sakes.  And we are thankful to you for your prayers and humbled by God's answer to our prayers....

and yet there's a part of me that hesitated to write about our good news.. because we have a couple of friends who we have been praying for in the past several years, who are still battling with cancer. And I struggled in my mind to find answers... and I wanted to be sensitive to them as well, because I know that we are all praying for the same thing.. healing and removal of cancer.  I don't know why God allows some prayers to be answered in a shorter amount of time, in the way we had hoped it to be answered, and why for some, we are still hoping and praying for the results we want.  Please do not think that I'm not thankful that I received such great news... I just wanted to be sensitive to our other friends who until today, we are still asking God to intervene and remove their cancer as well.... we will continue to pray for them for however long it takes...

and we continue to wait for further instructions to determine what our next treatment plan will be. so, our prayers continue and we hope that we will be able to decide what is best to do when we need to make the decision in the next couple of weeks or so.   Woo-hoo!!! Yeay!! Shout to the Lord!!

meeting Uncle Froy & Auntie Patricia

 love this picture of Candy and Christian as we headed out to discover our neighborhood on Wednesday... Welcome to Chicago :-)

 Kori finally warmed up to Auntie Patricia and gave her a hug and a kiss... about an hour later..

 Where's your cat, Auntie?  I don't think the kids are around too many cats..

 Kori and Christian with Uncle Froy... when are you coming to visit us in California, Uncle Froy?

 Froy & Patricia came for dinner on Wednesday night. Candy cooked us a delicious and healthy meal :-)  the kids were initially shy when they first arrived, but after 15 mins or so, they would come up and sit next to them.. by the end of the evening, they were comfortable enough for hugs and good-night kisses... it was great to have everyone here :-)

Kori & Christian in Chicago

  Frank, Candy, Christian and Kori finally arrived in Chicago Tuesday evening. It was a long day for them but the kids did well on the flight over.  They didn't really fuss too much or cry... our seasoned travelers :-)  Christian loves to draw.. here he drew Super Christian and where SC lives :-)

 Of course, Kori loves to draw too... later one, she moved on to drawing rainbows.. she can really act like a 2-yr-old, going on 3, but maybe she's just like me.. I remember when I used to whine and cry when I was little...  ok, don't you all be nodding your heads all at once now...

 me, Frank and Christian... Chris actually chose where we were gonna have lunch on Wednesday, after our trip to the store...

 Frendell, Kori and Candy.. we ate at Mama Thai's in Oak Park.  Yummy food. if you're from here, we recommend you try it. If you're from out-of-state, come on over and we'll take you there so you can try it out for yourself :-)

 and when we got home, the kids wanted to color and I ended up taking a 2-hour nap... I can't keep up with their energy... I was tired and in pain.  Kori always W-sits and whenever I see her I remind her to ring-sit and she does... but what's a therapist to do when she looks over the next time and she's W-sitting again?   :-)  a therapist's work is never done, eh?

Family

 I said no crying, but I was the first to cry after she checked in her luggage and we had to say good=bye. A very nice gentleman offered to take our picture by the security gate... thank you sir..

 Bye Ats.. we can never repay you for what you've done to help us.. please know how much we appreciate it..

 it was cold that Sunday morning, 2/15... but sunny, so no delays

where is that ID?  can't check-in without it...

Ann & Dana Visit

 Dana Palmer and Ann McLaughlin

came on Valentine's morning to bring us yummy goodies for brunch :-)  Ann baked banana bread with choc chips and Dana baked zucchini bread.. deliciouso

 We all worked at Stroger Hospital at some point and time... I met Ann there when I started there in 2000 and Dana came on board 5 years ago.. 

we are missing some of our girlfriends from work... I was so blessed to have such a wonderful and caring group of people to work with when I was there :-)

Best News :-)

On Friday, Feb 13th, we went to the Cancer Center to meet with the oncologist.  This is the way it usually is.... Frendell's reading or playing with his phone and Ats is taking notes while I am being checked over or things are being taken out/off or I'm taking pictures.... this is so Frendell will not faint when I cry out in pain

 This is Dr. Robinson, my oncologist.  She gave the best news on Friday the 13th!!  The last surgery was the best surgery for me, because they were able to remove ALL the cancer this time around. Woo-hoo!!  So, now it's safe to say that I am cancer free. She went on to further discuss that I will need another test done to determine if I can go straight to daily medication (for 5 years) or if I need to do a bout of chemotherapy (great news, as this has changed from definite chemo to now maybe).  We were so relieved and happy, really, we just couldn't stop smiling from this point on. Frendell heaved such a big sigh of relief, I'm sure they heard it outside of the room. thanks Dr. Robinson.. best news I've gotten in the last year..

 This is Violet, she is my nurse coordinator at the cancer center.  She keeps me informed of furthers tests, coordinates my appointments and other needs I may have. She couldn't stop smiling with us either :-)  She even remembered that we had a mission trip to the PI last Nov. They take very good care of me here and sometimes it feels like that show Cheers.. it's a place where everybody knows my name and my needs..

Later on that night, Karen Ybanez came over to visit and brought us some beautiful roses.

She was also helping me try to figure out what's wrong with my laptop.. I'm having a hard time connecting at this part of the house.. thanks Karen :-)

Family Dinner

 Everyone enjoyed their dinner :-)  who knew they served eggplant parmesan here?  they do..

  This was Russell, our friendly waiter @ Bob Chinns.  

  Gettin' tired.. time to go home....

 We met up here with Patricia and Froy for a family dinner... after we came from the surgeon's office.. We celebrated the removal of all the ballz/ornaments AKA da drains....  the surgeons say that I'm healing very nicely although we are monitoring the swelling on the right arm and side and a blister that has developed on the transplanted skin...

Thank You Ats

So, yesterday morning, my sister, Ate Grace, aka Ats, went back home to California. We have been blessed to have her here with us for 2 weeks. She was our personal nurse and cook and housekeeper when I got home from the hospital. We don't know what we would have done without her.THANK YOU SO VERY, Ats, from the bottom of our hearts. We are so blessed by your generosity and giving ways.  Don't even know how to thank you for all that you've done. thank you too, to Ross, Lauren and Mom because they also had to re-arrange their schedules and lives while Ats was here... I hope that Lauren will have some normalcy in her schedule now, since her Mommy's finally home. And I know Ats has friends in Stockton/Lodi who also helped out with picking up Lauren and taking her to school and to her many different lessons after school and then taking her home.. so thank you also, our dear friends...  may God bless you abundantly as you have blessed us.

So, it's now only my M'urse Frendell and I :-)  here... so far, he's done very well and is very calm and collected. I am so impressed with him... as much as he's said he feels like fainting, he hasn't yet :-)  I am so blessed in so many ways.. and if you're following this blog, you know what I'm talking about and you know that so many of you are part of my blessings.  

Tomorrow, Frank, Candy and the kids are coming. We're very excited and looking forward to having them here for a few days. It is times like these that make me long for heaven, so we can all be together in one place... it's very hard to be separated from the rest of our families for thousands of miles.. we are so grateful, though, that God has sent Froy here and so very many special friends who have become our family here too... the selfish part of me wishes we could all live close to each other... but the rational part of me knows that God has placed all of us in different places for a reason...   when I feel like whining and complaining, I blame it on the pain meds.. Frendell, my M'urse, calls it my morphine moments... and when the moment passes, I am thankful that God has invited us all to join Him in doing so many things in the areas where we live... I hope you all enjoy the sunshine today.. it's beautiful here in chicago.  I'll try to post more pictures soon :-)

Happy Valentine's Day

I hope everyone has a nice Valentine's Day today. It snowed here in Chicago, even if it's just a dusting, it's nice to see all the white that has covered the dead leaves and all.  I can't believe it's been 18 days since my surgery... time sure flies by.  thank you to all of of you who have sent cards and flowers and visited and called and emailed and made this very difficult time so much more pleasant. It sure was easier to pass the time away. I am very sad because Ats is leaving tomorrow to go home to her family... I know they are anxious to have her back. Frendell & I are so grateful that she was here these last 2 weeks... she helped us out so much. We are so blessed with having family who sacrifice time and schedules and all to come and help us. And our friends have also been so caring. Karen Ybanez came over last night to help me figure out what's wrong with my computer. We're gonna have the router checked first and then if that doesn't help, she'll take my computer to her work to get their genius look at it. thanks Karen... it saves me from worrying about my comp on top of everything else. Thanks Karen... you made me smile and laugh and forget my pain for a little bit ;-)

I hope you all have some sort of chocolate today :-), even if it's carob... we got some cupcakes yesterday... it should be yummy with tea or hot chocolate.  Thanks again, everyone. I love you all and am so thankful for all the many ways you have brightened our lives. God surely knew that we would need you in our lives when He made our paths cross. God bless you one and all.  

Drains Out :-)

Yesterday, we went to see the plastic surgeons, Dr. Vandeveder and Dr. Salvino and I begged that they removed the balls/ornaments. After examining the liquid and assessing the situation, they both agreed that the drains could come out.  Besides, I told them, my sister is leaving for California on Sunday and she has been the one that has been draining them. I also told them that I was starting to smell it and I didn't like the way I smelled with them. Of course, everyone gave me a weird look, but just because they can't smell it doesn't mean it wasn't smelly. Even Frendell was telling me my sense of smell was a little off... oh well...

So far, everything is looking well, although there is a spot where it's blistering. It hurt when Dr. Salvino pulled the drains out and I couldn't help but cry out a bit. It made me sweat, it hurt so bad. And now, I also have to make sure my belly-button is cleaned out coz they don't want it to be infected and I guess it's starting to. So, we have to clean it with saline and gauze at least twice a day.  The thing is, it really hurts there and it's a combination of pain and some numbness in that area.  When we were driving around yesterday, I felt like my whole torso and right arm were in heightened pain mode. Every bump was painful and even when we turned the corners, I felt like my nerve endings were standing on alert.  Frendell asked me what it was that I didn't like about taking the pain meds.  It's hard to describe, I told him. Although it does take the edge off, it still hurts when I move, but coupled with that, sometimes I feel irritable, coupled with a feeling of despondency; also it makes me sleepy most of the time and yet when I sleep, it hurts when I move. Sometimes when I wake up I'm dizzy and I can only hope that I'm not always babbling nonsense when they're talking to me. Although all the side effects do not always happen all the time, there's enough times there, that I usually only take the strong pain meds at night, so I can at least sleep at least 3 hours or more. I usually wake up when it's wearing off, coz the pain intensifies more. Sometimes I take another one, other times I take the tylenol. The doctors say the pain will be there for  awhile, as well as the swelling in the my right side and right arm.  My stomach area, where they removed the muscle, is also very painful and it hurts when I try to sit up and roll to my side. The incisions are healing nicely though, so that's a great thing :-)

I'm so happy my balls/ornaments are out :-)  So happy, I ended up taking a 2-hour nap when we got home yesterday. In some ways, it was easier to lay down last night when I went to sleep, but I ended up tossing around more, so I didn't get more sleep... its just easier to move around. I'm so glad I still have the binder. I tell you, as they are removing some of the things that are more painful, I can feel the pain in the other areas now. My belly button hurts more and so does the transplanted muscle. Sometimes I get weird sensations there.  

Kinda reminds me of when we try to get rid of sin from our lives, eh? Painful but I'm glad to be rid of them. And most of all, I'm so thankful the doctors knew what they were doing, just like God knows what He's doing when He challenges us to be rid of sin, and I'm glad my husband and sister were there to render their support and love (and hopefully we have a community/church family who will provide the love and support). I was concerned Frendell may faint, since I did cry out more this time around.. he stood behind the curtain so he didn't have to see me writhing in pain... it didn't last too, too long, but it was painful nonetheless. I'm sorry I'm such a wus.. I couldn't help it yesterday. Today is a new day... with no more balls/ornaments/drains :-)  Yeay... I celebrate the progress...  Have a great day, everyone.  

Carol and Cake

 Samantha and Lesley DeLeon visited us today and brought muffins and pomelo and salad and sprouts (that Auntie Angie made and grew).  It was great seeing the girls again and looking at their pictures from Costa Rica.  

Of course we laughed and smiled and ate :-)  Can't wait to hear about their next adventures..

 And here is Carol Gayer, with her delicious banana cake with chocolate frosting, all made from scratch.  She brought the beautiful flowers as well.  Carol, we are so impressed by your baking skills.. we couldn't stop eating this cake, it was so delicious.  Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to bake for us :-)   it made me forget my pain, at least momentarily :-)   you're too awesome. We especially appreciate your baking as we do not have a working oven at home, so any baked goods is gold :-)

 Carol gave us the biggest smile of the day last Monday, Feb 9th, when she came by and brought us this yummy banana cake.  I'm sorry, if you're planning to come over to try some, it's all gone :-)  

Cheerful visits

 And here we are with Uncle Jesse and Auntie Beth Reyes, who came to visit us on Sunday, Feb 8th. They stopped by on their way to Indiana, where Uncle works. It was great talking to them and they have shown their generosity in so many ways.  We were trying to decipher which is the better juicer, Champion or Green Star.  I'm sure many of you will have different opinions about this. What do you think?

 This little cute guy came with the bouquet of gerber daisies from Dana Palmer. Isn't he adorable? I see him everytime I get in and out of bed as he sits on my dresser.  And yes, that is a baby monitor that Frendell bought, so he can hear me from his office :-)  sometimes I try to say things just to see if he's listening... and boy, is he ever.  he comes right away to see if I need help to move around :-) 

  The cheerful gerber daisies from Dana :-)  they're one of my favorite flowers coz they always look so cheerful and pretty...  

 And this beautiful arrangement is from our Chicago Fil-am church family. Thank you to all who have sent me flowers, cards, gifts of all kinds, food, books, socks, slippers, wall pictures, audio books, robes and clothes. All of these generous and thoughtful gifts and acts of kindness have made this hospitalization so much warmer and it overwhelms me how many of you show your love in so many tangible ways. God has surely provided for our needs in all areas and His constant reminder through all your generous acts humble us because there is no reason not to trust Him and hope and know that He is there every step of the way.  If I in any way have forgotten to mention you specifically or thank you personally, please don't hesitate to let me know. I am trying my best to acknowledge all who have done things, but I know I may forget unintentionally to mention someone and for that, I ask for your forgiveness. I still have some memory hiccups, possibly due to the anesthesia or something else, but I do not want to neglect saying my appreciation to any of you. Thank you for letting God use you to touch our lives in so many ways. We bring Him honor and glory and we know that we can face this battle with Him by our side. Thank you to all of you...

Froy n da carpet

 So Froy spent about a week recarpeting our bedroom... I know he was tired and sore and lost lots of sleep that week

 My dear darling was trying to clean up and get ready for the final installation

  even Patricia was doing some measuring and cutting? :-)

taking a break from it all...

 and when all was said and done, I was sleeping when they finished that night... i didn't hear a thing coz I took my pain meds... blissful sleep. thank you Froy, Mahal and Patricia for doing the carpet.. the room looks so beautiful now because of it. I really appreciate all that you did

OP 2.0 Visits

 And our young adults and band, OP 2.0 came over last Saturday to visit us before they went to West Central for the Oasis Gathering.  There was:  Mac Soriano, Andrew Alava, Ron Rodriguez, Jason Robinson, Sharon Alava. Sitting down from left:  Melody Calla, guess who?, Claress Rodriguez and Joyce Lindsey.

  And of course, they met Ate Grace, also known as Ats :-)  

  The plaid boys, I think Sharon called them.. i liked their shirts, actually

 And it was nice to visit with everyone, even for a short while.  We almost walked to West Central later on that night, since we live so close there, but I just couldn't do it. Sometimes it's hard to gauge how much I can do and how much I shouldn't try to do yet :-)

Ooppss.. this should be labeled flowers :-)

  these beautiful tulips are from Becki & Jason Wightman

 this beautiful arrangement is from Ate Vien and Auntie Esther Cornell

  These stargazer lilies are from Ann Hong Mclaughlin

 This sunshine bouquet is from cousin Karen Martinez, all the way from Vancouver BC.  All these flowers have brightened up  my days and have brought lots of smiles to our faces. I'm sorry that I didn't get to take a picture of the bouquet from Elder Ed Barnett.  Unfortunately, they wouldn't let flowers in the ICU when he came to visit me. Frendell said they were beautiful, though.  Thank you all for thinking of me and sending such lovely reminders of God's beautiful creations.. even in the dead of winter.  The delivery people always want to make sure we're home coz they didn't want to leave the flowers outside when it's below freezing.  Can't you smell the lovely scents of spring and summer?  Our house smelled so good because of the sea of flowers 

Flowers

 This is our dentist's new office. It's so nice, I don't even feel like it's a dentist office, and she knows how scared I am of dentists...

 Dr. Mardi Tingzon is our dentist. When she found out I am slated to have chemo after my surgery, she made me some special trays to put this special toothpaste in, to protect the enamel of my teeth during the whole chemo process.  Who knew?  thanks Mardi. I love that you were looking out for the health of my teeth :-)

After the first doctor's visit, we decided to go to lunch. We saw this restaurant on the Food Network that was supposed to be popular when Route 66 was the major highway from Illinois to California.  It's called the Dell Rhea Chicken Basket.  I think it was pretty good... they had really great potato salad :-)

  So here we were waiting for our food...  thankfully I had taken some pain meds, so I was able to sit for a bit.  We even went to walk @ Costco for a bit after lunch, then Frendell had to take me  home because I was so tired. I fell asleep as soon as we got home.. and the next day, I couldn't do anything but stay still... it hurt alot to move...  so, I try to smile when I can, otherwise all you'll see are my pouts :-( and hear my moans