Porch Bites

Last night was the first time in a very long time that we've been able to sit out for a couple of hours outside and enjoy dinner. The weather was so cool outside that Frendell cleaned off the table and chairs on the back porch and we had dinner there. There are so many things to talk about that do not center on cancer or treatments or PT appointments... and although there were bits and pieces of these that came into the conversation, we were able to bring to the table other things that have been put in the back burner because of cancer. I had always known that Frendell's been holding in so much of how he's feeling and have taken all the responsibility for me and I think that being able to acknowledge that last night and how its affected him has helped both of us. I hope that we have many more cooler nights and will be able to sit outside on the porch, eating dinner and talking and being eaten by the mosquitoes who dared to fly about on a cool July summer night.

It was a difficult day to begin with. He had a meeting after church and then had to hurry because we had a memorial to attend, where he spoke. This is our 3rd memorial in as many months... and something in you is touched every time you go to one and your mortality is blatantly displaced each time and ultimately the question that I always ask is, "How will people remember me when I'm gone?" It's a very disturbing question... one that I cannot avoid even if I wanted to. What legacy am I leaving each day? What footprints will they see from me? Our friend Gloria was a very generous person. She was known for her generosity by all she came in contact with. All the people who got up and talked about their memories of her all spoke of her faith in in God, her generosity and her ability to put boundaries. Gloria specialized in the area of addictions and she was great at what she did. Her colleagues spoke of her compassion for her patients and yet she was able to put the boundaries they needed to steer them in the direction of recovery. She was also a big encourager to further one's education. She is a big advocate for women and equality for women... but after her love for her family, I remember her most for her love of the opera. I had the privilege of being able to go with Gloria and our other friend Dora to the opera a couple of times several years ago. It was a magical time for me.. I loved the music, the tension of a love triangle that had to be resolved - tragedy and drama in costume... most of all, I loved the camaraderie that we shared for the evening. it was nice to be able to see members from West Central we hadn't see in 10 years... God has been faithful to all of us and it was a reason to celebrate and rejoice that we had all been touched by a life that had been faithful to Him. Cancer may have taken her life now, but her spirit lives on in each of us, because she touched our lives...

Last Thursday, I was able to go and meet up with my friend Barb (finally!!) from way back when I first started at Cook County eons of moons ago. Barb has 2 beautiful sons who are so smart and adorable and have the most polite manners. They called me one time to apologize because they fought with each other while I was on the phone with their Mom and she had to get off the phone to straighten out the problem. So cute!! We had a great time catching up with each other's lives and of course, she told me how to take care of my plantar fascitis. Yes, Barb is one of my PT friends. So, I need to make some appointments sometime to get some inserts and night splints. The tip that she gave that I thought was clever (she's had plantar fascitis herself as she is a runner) is to freeze a bottle of water and use that as the ice, because you can roll your foot over it and cool the whole bottom of your foot. I did that and it did help me :-) I think the tape is helping me too and I'm hoping I won't need the inserts if I just tape my foot for a while. We reminisced about the dangers of driving through some of these neighborhoods we used to go to.. the ones you hear on the news nowadays where there have been shootings and such. Barb has always cautioned me to take care of my health and watch my stress level. She continues to encourage me to take my time to heal and go back to work when I'm ready. I hope we'll be able to meet again soon.. even though she's very busy with her boys and work and things...

The session with Dr. Mumby went very well. I have homework sheets that I need to fill out. She was very pleased that I did so well during my week alone :-) I was too and I'm glad that we were able to talk about skills I used to make it through the week and how I can continue with this train of thought. We'll see how it goes this coming 2 weeks. I need to do my homework sheets.

so that's what new lately. The summer's going by so quickly... and Frendell's birthday is coming up and I don't know what to do for him and we have a trip to California coming up and then so many other things coming up... And I am glad that I am well enough to at least be partially able to participate in these small tidbits of life that happen everyday. I must be thankful for the opportunity given to me to spend time with family and friends and be able to learn again about life and gratitude and time together. Legacy...

"Because I knew you, I have been changed for good..."

Heel Pain

So now that Frendell's back home, we're back to our myriad of medical appointments :-( Last week, I tried to walk everyday and tried to walk longer a couple of times. I think I mentioned in the last blog that I've had heel pain on my left foot. So, today I went to see my trusted PT Linda and she confirmed plantar fascitis. She taped my foot and it feels better although it still hurts when I walk. She's such a great PT and always knows how to patch me up :-) I hope the heel pain goes away soon coz I can't walk very far or very well. In a moment of self-pity last night, I told Frendell that I wished I could have a day without pain (and not taking medication either). I've been in constant pain for the last 19 months that I have forgotten what it's like not to have pain. So, after my moment of self-pity, I'm glad Linda was able to at least relieve some of my heel pain. Tomorrow I'll try to walk it off for a little bit to stretch it.

Last night Frendell attended the husbands'/men's class @ the Wellness House. After 5 months of trying to attend, he was finally able to fit it in his schedule. I'm hoping that he would consent to blog about his experience, as I was not there, so I don't know what they talked about, etc. I'm glad he was finally able to go and meet up with other husbands whose wives also have cancer and either are in treatment or just finished. He said he was glad he attended; he even went to their library to read up on some things. I'm glad that he has someone he can talk to about his feelings and his experience as a caregiver... cancer not only affects the person who gets diagnosed, it affects the whole family, and in turn the whole community. He has had so much to shoulder that I'm surprised he's still able to bear the weight. I will be forever grateful to the Wellness House for their programs that help cancer patients and their families. I sure hope that all of you will join me for their walk October 18, 2009... and if you're not able to walk with me, I hope you'll consider a monetary pledge. So many of us have benefitted from their programs and I for one am glad that they are here to support us in our time of need.

Made it through the week :-)

Can't believe that the week's gone by and Frendell will be coming home tomorrow!! Yeay!! And today, my friend Verna came to visit me after church. We haven't seen each other for so long and it was such a blessing to see her again. We picked up right where we left off and it was so nice just to be able to share with each other how faithful God has been to us. We both have had to face very difficult challenges and praise the Lord for His grace to us and in our lives. She has always challenged my faith and I am so glad that she continues to share her faith and her experiences with me. We had a lovely time.

But I've had a sore throat all week and after she left, I ended up taking a 2-hour nap ;-) My heels are still hurting so I didn't even go for a walk this morning :-( I hope I can figure out why they're hurting... my PT friends, what do you think the problem is?

Anyways, I hope you all had a good Sabbath as well. Have a great week! And remember, I am okay :-)

Pat, Naleesa n Zach in Chicago

You would think that after uploading so many pictures here, i would remember how to do it right. Oh well.. so we'll do this backwards... Ninang Pat, Naleesa and Zach came to visit us after Mission Institute last June. Here, they were on their way home back to Walla Walla. The kids were so excited to go home finally, but we're so glad they stopped over in Chicago before heading West. Really appreciated their visit. Pat told me that Naleesa and Zach pray for me everyday... that just touches my heart...

Two things they wanted to do while they were here: 1) Go to the Shedd Aquarium

So we did... here we were waiting for the rehearsal of Fantasea.. the beluga whales and dolphins just got back from Mystic, Connecticut last May.. they were there for 9 months while renovations were going on at the oceanarium...

Jelly fish... at the Wild Reef

2) Zach wanted to try deep dish pizza... so we went to Giordano's... he ate 2 pieces (or was it 1 1/2) and then declared he was too full to eat more... I think he liked it :-) I love it when people try deep dish and they like it.... Naleesa opted to have spaghetti instead... I don't even think she tried the pizza at all...

Of course, in between, we talked and played Wii (even Pat!!) and Naleesa gave us lovely piano concerts and took walks and ate and enjoyed just spending time together. It's always too short, but Frendell and I were so happy that they stopped by to visit us. Thanks for taking the time out of your busy travel schedules. We hope to visit you in Washington soon... love and miss you guys...

NJ n Olivia @ da Shedd

Can you see the sting ray? NJ and Olivia had to wait a while to get up close coz there were so many people..

The poor otter... at the polar place

Faith, NJ and Olivia... and don't you love how I included myself in the picture??? :-)

And you thought you caught the big one? check out this fish... Livvy even measure her little penguin, she measured at about 1 foot... (the penguin, that is)

And here are the little penguins playing :-)

We had a great time at the Shedd and even saw the rehearsal for their new show, Fantasea. The kids had so much energy and most of the time I sat on the bench, watching them... it was still great though. Thanks for the fun day, you guys... and Pat, thank you so very much for the gift that keeps on giving :-) Love it!!!

Uncle Harvey 3

Uncle Harvey thanked everyone and read an inspiring poem. Again, he inspires and encourages others, inspite of his pain, inspite of his circumstances. I told him that he shows tremendous courage. I got this quote from a book that Norma gave me about Hope:

"Courage is doing what you must when doing what you must is the hardest thing of all".

He always has a smile on his face.... here, he's talking to Sharon

" The pressures and problems that sometimes surround us are often defeated by the courage and strength that are always within us".

Uncle Harvey and me :-)

"...but because I knew you

I have been changed for good"

Uncle Harvey, you told me that God has blessed you with a positive outlook and it has always been your desire, your calling, to inspire and encourage others. I want to let you know that you are living faithfully to your calling. For even though you're going through such a challenging and tremendous ordeal, your faith in God is strong and steadfast, your life and your attitude an inspiration to all of us who have the privilege of knowing you and be able to worship God with you. Thank you for your smiles... Thank you for your faithfulness... you continue to inspire me and give me courage

Uncle Harvey 2

After people gave their tributes and sang songs, there was an annointing service for him. I know what it feels like to be in the middle of that circle. Our friend Jose and our young adults had an annointing service for me before my last surgery last January. There is a certain peace that comes over you when you know that you have placed it all in God's hands. If you've resolved to leave it to His will, if frees you to leave the control to Him.

Theresa and Don

Faith & Olivia, me, Ate Vien and Nicolas

Marla and Gianna (at the hospital when Uncle Harvey was there)

Marla was showing me her latest dance moves.. these kids are too cute :-)

Uncle Harvey

Last Saturday, I asked Uncle Harvey if he would give me his permission to share his story here on my blogspot. I'm not sure he knew what he agreed to, but he said that he'd be happy to share his story, if it will serve to inspire others. We, at Chicago Fil-am church, wanted to let Uncle Harvey know how much he means to us and what kind of influence he has been to us. In this picture, he sang with the Ladies Chorus.. he's always willing to sing and share his talents with others.

Sheila, Auntie Lita, Theresa and Beverly...

I wanted to tell Uncle Harvey that his courage inspires me everyday. I pray for him everyday and at the times when I'd rather just stay in bed when I don't feel well, I remember than he goes to church every Sabbath, even though he's in pain. He told me a couple of weeks ago that 'he didn't want cancer to define him and how he lived his life. He wanted to be an inspiration to others, every day and in whatever circumstances he's in'. Well, Uncle Harvey, you are living your legacy. You inspire, you encourage, you lift up God, you give us hope and you make us want to be better...

Frendell at camp

Frendell left on Sunday afternoon, after he had several hours of sleep, to go to Camp Akita for the week. He is pastor this week for teen camp. Winnchee left on Monday and so begins my whole week by myself at home. I was apprehensive at first, but I'm glad that other than a small incident of falling off the step stool, I'm actually doing okay. Just a small bump on my arm and leg...

I will be forever grateful to Carol for coming over to walk with me on Tues and Wednesday, otherwise, I would never see another person for several days at a time. My brother and sister also call everyday to make sure I'm okay. Faith texted several times to check up on me. Pat called to make sure I was alright. Mom called to see how the two did on the bike ride. Sharon offered to give me a ride, but I had cancelled all my appts coz I knew Frendell was gonna be out of town this week. Barb called to try and schedule dinner, Dana emailed to schedule lunch. I am so glad that people still remember me and try to keep in touch, otherwise, I would be alone all week and not have any contact with anyone, except my nightly calls from Frendell. Poor thing has to stay outside when he talks to me coz he does not get signal in his room at the lodge :-) Okay, enough of my pity party...

I'm glad Mahal's doing well at camp.. I miss him and can't wait until he gets home. I am proud of myself for not falling apart. I have not felt well all week... this cold keeps lingering or coming back or whatever. I cough at night and in the morning. I try to walk everyday, and thanks to Carol, she has motivated to go out everyday. Tomorrow, the weather's supposed to be cooler, so I am looking forward to that... maybe I can walk out longer. Although I must say that my left heel and my back really hurt after I walk. i don't know if it's my shoes, or as Carol said, maybe plantar fasciatis or spurs. I sure hope not... I am so tired of being in pain... I'm sorry to complain...

I told God today that I really need help with changing my attitude and my feelings of "distress". I need His help to focus on getting better and allowing myself to heal and experience and then be able to accept it. I have tried to do something each day... walking, the other day I made muffins, but they didn't taste so good :-( and I try to cook something to eat once a day, so i won't just each cereal all day. So, I think I've done well following the doctor's homework of doing one or two things a day. Oh, I actually did laundry too and sorted out some mail and stuff. I discovered that I don't like to sort through some things coz I don't know what to do with them.. some things you need to keep around but don't have room for. Hopefully next week, I will feel stronger and have the nerve to just tackle one box at a time.

Good night and I look forward to the week-end...

Winnchee

I guess I have been remiss in blogging. That's the hard thing about being "distressed". I want to do it, I even think about it, but I just don't ever get to it. And as I told Winnchee, many times I feel very isolated and out of touch. It was really nice having her here for the week-end. We were able to talk and catch up and she was able to ride the 25-mile bike ride for the Chicago park district with her Kuya Frendell. I was so glad that he had someone that would ride with him, at his pace... even though there's 10,000 riders, I think it's nice that he had someone who rode with him the entire time. I worried about him last year when I found out that even though he started out with some friends, he ended up riding the course alone. This year, he had Winnchee for company and they watched the sun rise together. I guess they did not stop for a Blizzard @ Dairy Queen or tacos at Taco Bell :-) They were very tired and sore and after we had breakfast with Froy, both went to sleep for most of the morning.

We missed having Bryan here as well, but it's good that he was able to go to Costa Rica for his ggrandmother's funeral. Hopefully next year, he'll be able to ride... although both Che and Frendell said that they don't think they'd want to ride it again :-) we'll have to see, I guess.

It was good to be able to visit with Che. I miss her when we're apart. She listened to me and tried to cheer up my moods. Poor thing had to see how my 'distress' affects me. Although I was not able to go home with her this time, I hope we'll be able to visit her and Bryan sometime soon...

Treatment

Another treatment day... every time I go for my injections, I think that it won't be too bad this time around and I'm wrong every time. It hurts :-( and the funny taste in my mouth comes after about 15 - 30 mins. Sometimes I feel nauseated and I'm usually tired. My nurse, Jeanine, is always so nice and encouraging. I told her I'd started seeing the psychologist and she thought it was a good idea. We talked about my sleeping and how the medicine is working and I told her it helps me sleep for 8 hours when I take it. So, she asked the doctor to write me up another prescription so that I can refill it soon.

Got home and rested for a little bit until I had to go to PT. Linda worked on scar massage at the medial part of my chest and also did alot of range of motion. Sometimes it was uncomfortable coz my right arm is so tight. Pavel followed massaging my arm and my right side. It was a really weird sensation getting massaged on the back of my arm coz I can't feel very much there, but every so often I would get shooting pain or sharp pain in that area. It's so hard to describe it.... it's like my arm's asleep all the time. I guess it is for the most part.

Lsat Monday, I had my 2nd appt with the psychologist. I always feel like a dripping faucet when I see her coz I can't stop crying. She asks me how I am and I bawl like a baby. She asked me if I thought talking to her helped me and I'm crying like there's no tomorrow. She asked me how my sleep and pain levels were and there's just no stopping the tears. I think I used up half of her tissue box (it was brand new when I walked in)... and I'm sure I would've finished it if my time wasn't up so quickly. She's probably relieved when I'm done with my session, just so she can get a break from all the tears. Maybe I should bring an umbrella for her for my next session. She has asked me to try and write down at least 2-4 things that I can plan to do each day and try to do at least half of them. I told her that that morning, I had baked some muffins. Granted, it was semi-homemade, but I hadn't even baked in 18 months and I have missed it tremendously. I was glad I did it, even though it didn't turn out to be the best muffins I've made... Frendell ate some and said he liked it. So, now, I will try and write down what I need to do each day, whether it be to go out and water my plants, whatever's left of them that haven't withered yet, bake or cook something, pack something in the balikbayan box (to be sent to the Philippines), sort through the files in my office, or spend the day at the Shedd aquarium.... I will try to do at least one thing each day.

I do have to include there walking... as I hope to be able to do the 5k in October for the Wellness House in Hinsdale. I do hope you are training as well so you can join me for this walk...

I Still Do.. 17 years today

If someone had told me that we would be celebrating our 17th year anniversary in Chicago, I would have been really surprised. I can still remember our early morning wedding. We were getting our hair and makeup done by 6 a.m. because the photographer was coming to the house by 8 or so. Much of what happened that day was a blur, but some things stood out too. We had taken my Dad out of the hospital AMA (he was admitted due to pneumonia and stayed because he was discovered to have metastatic cancer) and was wheeled in by Frank. I was so glad that my brothers and sisters let me take him out, although he was very tired and sick. I wanted to be married with my Dad there, and I was. Kuya Abner walked me down the aisle., as he has been like my dad when we lived in La Sierra with him. I remember Frendell wrote a song of thanks for our parents and he sung it after I had walked down to the front. Then we gave our parents leis of flowers and we hugged and kissed each of them. He and I made a bet on who would cry first and many of my friends lost because they thought it would be me. Frendell started crying as soon as he took both my hands in his and started reciting his vows. Of course, I followed soon after. I remember the music, the songs, and most of our guests. I remember Art was the Emcee for the reception and he had brought Bruno there (the bear Frendell gave me when I went to Thailand.. to hug and cuddle with, since he was not going to be with me for a year). I remember reciting that "I will be with you though the good times and through the bad times, whether we are rich or poor".

Fast forward to today. We had been through so many challenges: health, finances, career, family, church, spiritual. We soon discovered that we had many underlying issues that needed to be worked out if this marriage was going to make it to its next anniversary. We were both stubborn, strong-willed and opinionated and it was difficult when we hit our low moments. While we were in seminary, we met Paul Hegstrom, who was head of LIfe Skills and tried very hard to go to training to learn and be able to facilitate these classes. So we went to Iowa for a week's training and things progressed from there. There were alot of struggles and sacrifices and we started teaching classes and our students really appreciated all that they were learning. I drove down to Champaign to take classes there as well as get tips on how to facilitate. We both had individual counseling as well as couples counseling and slowly we were truly able to see the other person for the valuable gift that God has given each of us. I had always admired Frendell's sense of adventure and care-free attitude. I never thought he was afraid of anything. Back when we were @ PUC, I would ask him if he'd ever done this or that and he would say no but he'd like to try it. So, he'd drive me Coalinga to watch the geyser there; another time we drove to San Francisco to have dinner @ pier 39 and when I needed to get my passport ready to go to Thailand, he drove me there and waited with me until i had it. He had a deep commitment to God and was at that time very narrow-minded in his approach. Of course, I found it was my mission to "relax" him a bit and introduce him to contemporary Christian music and all :-) We were the best of friends throughout college.. not really wanting to date the other, but having a good time just talking about anything under the sun. He and my roommate Margie Delos Reyes were my prayer partners when I went as a student missionary to Thailand. Now, all of you who know Frendell knows that he is not one to write letters.. to anyone, friend or foe :-) So I got there, no TV but I did have little portable radio/cassette recorder and lived in a studio apartment. I was the only girl SM that year, so all the guys got to live in the house and the maid would cook all our meals there and I would to there to eat. I was homesick and feeling isolated. I made friends with some of the students and some of the staff and when Pat took over as director, she made sure that I would not be too isolated and left out on my own. Frendell wrote me a total of 3 letters that year. I was devastated., especially since I sent him a letter like every other week. I got an anonymous box of Sees Candy sometime around Valentine's day... no return address.. and most of the chocolates had melted. When you haven't had chocolate for 8 months even melted chocolate tastes delicious. I don't think I found out until we were married already (some 4 or 5 years later) that the chocolates came from Frendell. He never said anything in any of his letters, even after I asked and frankly, it didn't occur to me that he would send it, just because I didn't think he would. I thought it was one of my girlfriends from school. :-)

That just shows how much I underestimated Frendell. One day, we were coming home from a service at Willow, and he took my hand and started telling me that in working through his issues and in talking with God, he realized that I was a diamond in the rough and that I was God's special gift to him. He asked forgiveness for taking me for granted, for not being supportive to what my dreams were, and not taking my opinions seriously. He told me that as he had worked through his issues, he has begun to see clearly what a valuable woman I was to him and that he cherished me more than anything and anyone in the world. Of course, I couldn't stop crying, and neither could he and I was telling him to pull over or we'll get in an accident. So, there on the 290 Fwy by Schaumburg, a renewal of vows and a moment of clarity happened one Sunday morning about 9 years ago. Throughout our married lives, as we peeled the many layers of immaturity, selfishness, doubt, etc that we hid behind, we have discovered the joy, the companionship, renewed the friendship and gathered strength from each other. Throughout all my health issues and all my surgeries, Frendell has been there, being the strong one, being my voice of reason and clarity. He has done so much for me and has taken cared of me without complaint or acting like I was burden. He never pressured me to go to church with him and would even encourage me to stay home if I don't feel well. He has driven me to all of my doctors appointments, frequently re -arranging his own schedule to accommodate mine. He has been true and faithful to me and still keeps our Thursday night "date nights" whenever we can. He has been my strength, my comfort, my comedian, my adventure guide, my spiritual advisor and mostly, he's been my friend. Looking back at all the things we have been through, I wish I could change some of my decisions and some of my circumstances, but I would never change my partner through any of those times.

After 17 years, I still do... love him more than I thought I ever could. I still enjoy spending time with him and I still look forward to the adventures that lie ahead. This journey of hope has brought us closer to each other and on the days when I feel like giving up, he is there just to hold me and give me encouragement and tell me that things will get better, that I will feel better. I love Frendell more than I can even express. He means the world to me and I thank God everyday that He gave me such a wonderful husband. I thank Frendell for not giving up on the relationship and working through all the things we've had to grow through. I admire him for staying with me through all the thick and thin of my health issues. He's a treasure to cherish and hold.

Last night, after the fireworks show, he came home at around 11:30. I had just taken my medicine and was trying to sleep. And I asked him if he would sing me the song he wrote for me when he proposed.... so, in the middle of the darkness, he cuddled me and started singing it to me. I didn't think I could love him more, in his arms, As I drifted off to sleep, I felt very secure and very loved. So, today, after 17 years, I still love him and I would marry him all over again. Thanks for all the wonderful memories, Darling Mahal. I love you.

Fireworks

Happy Birthday America!!! Today, all over the country, we celebrated our independence day. Here in Chicago, it was overcast, dreary and rainy off and on all day. In fact, it was probably one of the rainiest 4th of July I can remember since moving here 17 years ago. After church, Faith and Nunay invited to come over to their house to rest until Frendell was done with all his meetings. I'm so fortunate to have friends who live close by and are willing to have me over. I was so tired, had a headache and feeling more pain today, probably coz I did something everyday the last week. Faith made sure I was comfortable and I felt bad that the kids were ushered out of their playroom for my sake. I took a nap and I was so glad I got to rest. Poor Faith had to stay home because of me :-( while her family got to do a fun activity outside.

The rain finally tapered off around 6 or so and people started gathering at the park across the street. There were tents for food, moon jumps and even a band to entertain the crowd. As it got darker, I saw more and more people walking down the street with their lawn chairs, they were staking their places for the fireworks show. Should I go out and watch it or stay in bed? I decided to get out and join my neighbors in the celebration. So, I went out there, sat in my chair on the front porch and got eaten by mosquitos. As the first firework shot up in the sky, I watched the crowd that had gathered outside on the street in front of our house. As if on cue, with the master conductor leading, everyone's head turned to the sky, conversations ceased, applause broke out and a collective "ooohhhh" rang out in the crowd. As colors of red, green, purple and yellow burst out in different shapes and forms (one was even a smiley face), you could hear the kids and adults alike "ooohing and aaahhing" and once in a while, when the roman candles were bursting like crazy and another would shoot up and burst like a shooting star, the crowd would clap and hold their breath. When it got very loud, the babies started crying. I loved watching people's faces and I noticed that as soon as it started and everyone turned their faces up to the sky, smiles broke out and everyone seemed happy.

It made me think about Jesus' 2nd coming. In Revelation, it says that "all eyes will see Him in the clouds of heaven". I looked at the crowd and wondered how it will be then. As the fireworks show was ending, there was just a huge burst of light as one firework after another lit up the sky... and it was so bright and it looked like stars falling out of the sky. And I wondered if Jesus would be coming in the night and all of a sudden the sky would just light up. Will we all run out of our houses to watch? Will we all have smiles on our faces like the crowd watching the fireworks tonight? Will we "ooh and aah"? Will we break out in song and praises? Will we have joy in our hearts because we know He is finally coming to take us home? Will it be like one big block party? It is exciting to think about Jesus' coming and sobering at the same time. I get so bogged down with the clutter in my life that I sometimes forget to look up in the sky and think of what matters most... and that is to focus on getting ready so when the sky bursts open and I see Jesus coming down, I can look up with a smile on my face and tell Him I'm ready to go home to heaven. Its been a full week, full of emotions. So will bid you goodnight and I hope you celebrated our country's independence day with a bang.

Saying Good-bye

Last Tuesday was the funeral for Uncle Ely. It was a very sad day for so many of us as we honored this man who has touched so many lives. He was faithful to his family and to his God and served his church as much as as he could. He prayed for all of us... he was Frendell's prayer partner and in many ways, Frendell's right hand in giving Bible studies and conducting the mid-week prayer meeting. Frendell is taking this loss quite hard. I can't imagine coming to church this Sabbath and not seeing Uncle Ely smiling at me, telling me he's been praying for me and my recovery.

Pat, Naleesa and Zach also left on Tuesday to fly home to Walla Walla. It was such a special treat to have them come over and spend a couple of days with us. Pat just finished conducting the Institute for returning missionaries, which was held at Andrews University last week. So they spent time with Jerma, Erbe and family there @ Andrews. It is always a treat for us to have Pat come and visit. She is our Ninang and has given us tremendous support and advice through the years. She was my mentor, since way back when I was a student missionary in Thailand. She gave me such a different perspective of God and life and my parents/family and allowed me to question my beliefs and theology. She helped me figure out what to do with Frendell, before Frendell and I even started dating, and then afterwards, when we became engaged. Pat has been our beacon of strength and hope when we wanted to quit the ministry and try something else. She has loved us from the beginning and has seen us through our best and through our worst. She has allowed us to learn from her experiences and has been transparent with the challenges and trials she's had to face. She has an unwavering faith in God and shared with us a God who is outside the box we grew up with.

During this visit, she listened, encouraged, gave me permission to grieve and heal on my own time, prayed for me, shared challenges her friends who face cancer have also experienced, listened some more, hugged me when I cried and tried to help me figure out how to start re-structuring my day again. Naleesa and Zach were a breath of fresh air. They have so much energy and are very well behaved tweens. They made me laugh and I wished so much that I could keep up with them :-) So when they left Tuesday, it was so quiet in the house again. And Frendell and I miss all of them. I think we had a hard time coming home from the the emotionally-charged day... Pat and the kids going home and then the funeral, so we got in the car and drove to Hinsdale and returned the screen to Jack. And we woke him and his family up and we stayed until midnight, talking and visiting and praying and just spending time with friends.

I never do well with good-byes, especially when I'm the one left behind. It always leaves this empty feeling in my heart and it hurts inside... It makes me long for heaven... and I look forward to the time when we don't have to be separated from our loved ones again...