I Still Do.. 17 years today

If someone had told me that we would be celebrating our 17th year anniversary in Chicago, I would have been really surprised. I can still remember our early morning wedding. We were getting our hair and makeup done by 6 a.m. because the photographer was coming to the house by 8 or so. Much of what happened that day was a blur, but some things stood out too. We had taken my Dad out of the hospital AMA (he was admitted due to pneumonia and stayed because he was discovered to have metastatic cancer) and was wheeled in by Frank. I was so glad that my brothers and sisters let me take him out, although he was very tired and sick. I wanted to be married with my Dad there, and I was. Kuya Abner walked me down the aisle., as he has been like my dad when we lived in La Sierra with him. I remember Frendell wrote a song of thanks for our parents and he sung it after I had walked down to the front. Then we gave our parents leis of flowers and we hugged and kissed each of them. He and I made a bet on who would cry first and many of my friends lost because they thought it would be me. Frendell started crying as soon as he took both my hands in his and started reciting his vows. Of course, I followed soon after. I remember the music, the songs, and most of our guests. I remember Art was the Emcee for the reception and he had brought Bruno there (the bear Frendell gave me when I went to Thailand.. to hug and cuddle with, since he was not going to be with me for a year). I remember reciting that "I will be with you though the good times and through the bad times, whether we are rich or poor".

Fast forward to today. We had been through so many challenges: health, finances, career, family, church, spiritual. We soon discovered that we had many underlying issues that needed to be worked out if this marriage was going to make it to its next anniversary. We were both stubborn, strong-willed and opinionated and it was difficult when we hit our low moments. While we were in seminary, we met Paul Hegstrom, who was head of LIfe Skills and tried very hard to go to training to learn and be able to facilitate these classes. So we went to Iowa for a week's training and things progressed from there. There were alot of struggles and sacrifices and we started teaching classes and our students really appreciated all that they were learning. I drove down to Champaign to take classes there as well as get tips on how to facilitate. We both had individual counseling as well as couples counseling and slowly we were truly able to see the other person for the valuable gift that God has given each of us. I had always admired Frendell's sense of adventure and care-free attitude. I never thought he was afraid of anything. Back when we were @ PUC, I would ask him if he'd ever done this or that and he would say no but he'd like to try it. So, he'd drive me Coalinga to watch the geyser there; another time we drove to San Francisco to have dinner @ pier 39 and when I needed to get my passport ready to go to Thailand, he drove me there and waited with me until i had it. He had a deep commitment to God and was at that time very narrow-minded in his approach. Of course, I found it was my mission to "relax" him a bit and introduce him to contemporary Christian music and all :-) We were the best of friends throughout college.. not really wanting to date the other, but having a good time just talking about anything under the sun. He and my roommate Margie Delos Reyes were my prayer partners when I went as a student missionary to Thailand. Now, all of you who know Frendell knows that he is not one to write letters.. to anyone, friend or foe :-) So I got there, no TV but I did have little portable radio/cassette recorder and lived in a studio apartment. I was the only girl SM that year, so all the guys got to live in the house and the maid would cook all our meals there and I would to there to eat. I was homesick and feeling isolated. I made friends with some of the students and some of the staff and when Pat took over as director, she made sure that I would not be too isolated and left out on my own. Frendell wrote me a total of 3 letters that year. I was devastated., especially since I sent him a letter like every other week. I got an anonymous box of Sees Candy sometime around Valentine's day... no return address.. and most of the chocolates had melted. When you haven't had chocolate for 8 months even melted chocolate tastes delicious. I don't think I found out until we were married already (some 4 or 5 years later) that the chocolates came from Frendell. He never said anything in any of his letters, even after I asked and frankly, it didn't occur to me that he would send it, just because I didn't think he would. I thought it was one of my girlfriends from school. :-)

That just shows how much I underestimated Frendell. One day, we were coming home from a service at Willow, and he took my hand and started telling me that in working through his issues and in talking with God, he realized that I was a diamond in the rough and that I was God's special gift to him. He asked forgiveness for taking me for granted, for not being supportive to what my dreams were, and not taking my opinions seriously. He told me that as he had worked through his issues, he has begun to see clearly what a valuable woman I was to him and that he cherished me more than anything and anyone in the world. Of course, I couldn't stop crying, and neither could he and I was telling him to pull over or we'll get in an accident. So, there on the 290 Fwy by Schaumburg, a renewal of vows and a moment of clarity happened one Sunday morning about 9 years ago. Throughout our married lives, as we peeled the many layers of immaturity, selfishness, doubt, etc that we hid behind, we have discovered the joy, the companionship, renewed the friendship and gathered strength from each other. Throughout all my health issues and all my surgeries, Frendell has been there, being the strong one, being my voice of reason and clarity. He has done so much for me and has taken cared of me without complaint or acting like I was burden. He never pressured me to go to church with him and would even encourage me to stay home if I don't feel well. He has driven me to all of my doctors appointments, frequently re -arranging his own schedule to accommodate mine. He has been true and faithful to me and still keeps our Thursday night "date nights" whenever we can. He has been my strength, my comfort, my comedian, my adventure guide, my spiritual advisor and mostly, he's been my friend. Looking back at all the things we have been through, I wish I could change some of my decisions and some of my circumstances, but I would never change my partner through any of those times.

After 17 years, I still do... love him more than I thought I ever could. I still enjoy spending time with him and I still look forward to the adventures that lie ahead. This journey of hope has brought us closer to each other and on the days when I feel like giving up, he is there just to hold me and give me encouragement and tell me that things will get better, that I will feel better. I love Frendell more than I can even express. He means the world to me and I thank God everyday that He gave me such a wonderful husband. I thank Frendell for not giving up on the relationship and working through all the things we've had to grow through. I admire him for staying with me through all the thick and thin of my health issues. He's a treasure to cherish and hold.

Last night, after the fireworks show, he came home at around 11:30. I had just taken my medicine and was trying to sleep. And I asked him if he would sing me the song he wrote for me when he proposed.... so, in the middle of the darkness, he cuddled me and started singing it to me. I didn't think I could love him more, in his arms, As I drifted off to sleep, I felt very secure and very loved. So, today, after 17 years, I still love him and I would marry him all over again. Thanks for all the wonderful memories, Darling Mahal. I love you.