Eye doctor

So I saw the eye doctor again yesterday. I am now on my 3rd pair of contact lenses since June. The first was soft, toric lenses. The 2nd was gas permeable and this last one is too, but it's a different kind of plastic. I forgot what its called. But it has the ability to get high 'grade' and still be thinner than the other lenses. It feels better this time around although it still catches on my eye lids every time I blink. So it always has to reposition. I'm also scared that it will just 'pop' out of my eyes, especially since my eyes are drier these days. The left lid is retracting again,; people can tell now even when I'm wearing my glasses. So I will try these lenses for the next 2 weeks and see how they will feel. The doctor is pretty cool though, he said that I can return the 2nd lenses so I don't have to pay for these ones. That's pretty good, otherwise I would've spent so much money just for contacts.  I had to order another pair of glasses to take to the Philippines. I got plastic lenses this time around. I don't know  if it will fit too well though, since my nose bridge is flat :-(  :-)  Anyways, i wanted an extra pair just in case something happened to these glasses; I wouldn't be able to see without them. 


Life has been moving along. The endocrinologist has again lowered my thyroid meds dosage. The last blood test is showing normal levels. We are closely monitoring for symptoms and also the white cell count. I told her that the symptom most prominent is my eye is getting bigger again. I'm getting really frustrated with this whole thing. I'm afraid I may have to have another surgery in a month or two to make sure that my eye is protected from injury or infection. It's not closing completely and it hurts to close it at times. Ah, the joys of having Graves disease. 


I'm so tired all the time, I can't seem to get enough sleep. There's so much to do to get ready for the trip and I'm afraid I'm forgetting things. It's been exactly two years since we came back from the first mission trip. Actually, exactly 2 years ago I had my second lumpectomy; they removed the sentinel node to check for cancer and tried to remove another mm or two to get clearance on the perimeter. I had to get radioactive shots the afternoon before my surgery. That was very painful. Almost as painful as being awake for the eye surgery and also having a breast MRI.  They injected the 4 sides of the breast with no anesthesia or anything. I could feel it going in and the doctor was trying very hard to distract me. The next day, while I was in surgery, they made a cut on the sentinel node to send to pathology to check for cancer. It came back negative, so they closed that site up and then proceeded to remove another mm or two around the perimeter of the first partial mastectomy.   They thought the cancer was contained in the breast, if not the tumor. A week before Christmas, we went back for the pathology results. Would you believe that less than 5% of patients get a negative result and then when they do the pathology on the rest of the node, it actually is cancerous? What are the odds? Well, for me, that was the case. They found that the cancer had metastasized to the lymph nodes. The also could not get clearance for me to do radiation. The verdict was: try again for the 3rd time or have the mastectomy to make sure all the cancer has been removed from the breast. The surgeon suggested the mastectomy with tandem reconstruction. I already had 3 surgeries in one year, they didn't one me to have an extra one. I remember I cried when she told me that and Frendell just held me. The surgeon was very nice and she held my hand and told me she wanted me to talk to a plastic surgeon before we scheduled the surgery. She said I was still young and it was important psychologically for me to weigh in all my options before my surgery. I remember calling Ats on the way home from the hospital and crying and asking her to come over when I have my surgery. My story changed that day. Instead of having this minor surgery, radiation and have a good life, I now faced more surgery and course of treatment changed to chemotherapy. Those were very dark and hard days for me... sometimes I wonder how we lived through it. All our family flew in to town that Christmas. I begged Frendell to move closer to Loyola as I could not think of doing chemotherapy (at that time they were thinking 8 cycles every 3 weeks) while driving an hour or so each way. I wanted to be close to my doctors. Rachel got married after Christmas that year. I wanted to go but I just had surgery and I didn't feel that well yet. Already my energy level was affected and we were packing to move before my mastectomy, which was scheduled for January. How we survived, only God knows. But He sent our families, our church families, our friends to comfort, to provide, to hold our hands, to give us hope..... I was numb and just went through the motions. Poor Mahal took the brunt of things as he had to carry all the burdens... packing, planning and driving me back and forth to the hospital for more tests, to meet with more surgeons and get more blood work done... always more blood work...


Wow, sorry for the long walk back to yesterday. I am feeling so much better today. I am thankful to be alive. I am grateful we have another opportunity to go on another mission trip. God has been faithful and I can testify that He gives me hope every day...