surgery

So there are more doctor's appointments and blood tests today. Saw the oculoplastics doctor again today. A resident and medical student saw me first, checked my vision, measured how far my eye is protruding and gave me the news that my eyelashes (that were pulled out by the other resident in early May) have grown back. Great :-( I refused to have them pluck it this time around, though. The measurements are worse now compared to last month. After talking with the doctor, he gave me two options: surgery to lower the lid (to protect the eye) or surgery to pull the eye back. The latter is the more invasive and e does not recommend that one at this time. We will wait until my appt with the endocrinologist and then decide when to have the surgery. The doctor says he does not think that the optic nerve is being affected right now and the reason I can't see if because my eyes are very dry. The worst part of the whole thing, well apart from the surgery is the only option at this time, is that my right eye is also showing changes. I hope it does not get worse than it is now. He gave me a new kind of eye gel to put on at night; hopefully it will keep my eye lubricated so I won't tear at night. So, the question is, to have surgery or not to have surgery? It is progressively getting worse and although it will eventually stop when the lid is wide open, I can't wear my contacts, my eyes are dry and most importantly, it's always at risk for injury. Frendell tells me he worries that I'll hurt my eye when I sleep because I don't close it all the way. Well, now, I have to decide whether or not to have surgery.... I really don't want to but what choice do i have at this time. In moments when I feel sorry for myself, I ask Frendell why these things are happening to me? I have to self-talk and remind myself that other people go through worse and I am very fortunate that Mahal has medical insurance so I can get the help I need. I am so grateful to God for providing us with what we need....