Children's Ministry

After a successful Christmas season with 2 performances of "The Best Christmas Gift Ever", we celebrated by taking out the teachers of our Children's Ministry program, Wildfire & Firefly. We wanted everyone to be able to come and join us, unfortunately, due to scheduling issues and such, not everyone was able to come. We salute all our teachers for all the hard work that they do to make sure that our children have quality church services every week... thank you all for your dedication and hard work... we appreciate you all....

Sharon directed this year's production of "The Best Christmas Gift Ever"....

Salad anyone?

Blackhawks Game

I guess the pictures will tell the story itself :-) when we got home, it was almost time for the midnight countdown.. so medya noche :-)

Some pictures

On December 31, 2009, Froy treated us all to a Blackhawks Game at the United Center.... we had lots of fun :-) and enjoyed watching the Hawks beat their opponent....

Patricia, me and Frulwinn

Frendell & Froy wanted to be there early so they can watch the team skate....

Bryan and Winnchee

brothers enjoying watching the team skate.... they wanted to join the team skate too... and they would've done well...

Winter Get-away

So I'm following the doctor's orders and will be going to California this Friday to visit family for my winter get-away. It was very hard trying to coordinate with the cancer center here and the doctor's office out there to figure out my treatment and all. I finally have the medication and pray that I do not get stopped at the security point. I do have some documentation that it's for me.. my sister said they allow you to take needles on board, so I shouldn't have a problem there.

My power cord died on my computer today, so I had to buy a new one. Aarrgghh.. I thought those things lasted until your computer died. I had to get fingerprinted for me to get re-credentialed for EI. I'm feeling stressed with all the things I have to get ready before I leave. I'm trying hard to focus.... and have resorted to writing things down.

Frendell & I have been going through the 'Recovery from Depression" videos to get ready for this seminar. I think he's starting it this week-end at Chicago Fil-am so I won't be there in the beginning. We're excited to see how things work out and how many people this will help. We're doing the things they recommend for treatment too, so it's helping me combat my 'distressed' state. I think being out in California will help me beat the winter blues coz hopefully they'll have more sunshine there. It was nice to get the sun yesterday but when I went out today, I was freezing again!!

thank you to all of you dear friends and family, who called and emailed after my very depressing blog last time. I really appreciate your thoughts and your concerns. I am feeling better, coughing has subsided and no more fever... If I can just remember to pack the right things, I will be alright :-)

Hanging by a thread

I apologize to those of you who follow my blog on a regular basis. I have been feeling so disconnected and out of it for while that even though I have alot of feelings and thoughts to share, it's mainly running through my head. When I saw the oncologist earlier this month, she was encouraging me to talk about it and advised me to go 'on vacation' to get away from the routine of hospital and treatment. She is trying to make arrangements now with my brother's physician out in California so I can visit family out there and not skip a treatment or cut my trip short. She and her nurse, Janine, have been so nice to set this all up. Hopefully it all works out.

I think I am finally allowing myself to grieve all the losses that have happened in the last several months. I had barely enough time to process my own loss of health and career before our church experienced so many deaths in such a short period of time. It started out in April and as of this week, there have been 7 people who have died... 5 from cancer, grandpa and someone else from other reasons. I thought I was handling it well... and some of the times I was. There is a part of me that keeps waiting for the 'old me' to show up and I'm still waiting. The doctor told me that my energy level will probably be compromised for a long while, as this is a side effect. I still wake up with numbness and tingling and pain in the bottom of my feet. I still have pain and when I used my right arm alot, I have throbbing pain on top of the numbness and tingling. This is a part of the 'new me' and I'm not handling it very well. I still have trouble sleeping at times, although I've started using 'light therapy' to help reset my circadian rhythm. I think it's starting to work.

I'm so very blessed to have family that cares and takes care of me. Frendell, inspite of his own busy schedule and so many projects going on right now, continues to give me the encouragement I need. His family came out for Christmas and New Year... so, even though we felt disconnected, they came and connected us right back in. Our church families showed us that they love us in so many different ways as well.... they have provided for our needs in more ways than we can say thank you for. I talked to Pat on Christmas day and she was very patient in listening to me and all the things I'm struggling with. And she very wisely told me to hang in there... that things won't always be this way and I won't always feel disconnected. She very wisely told me that 'this too shall pass'. So, even though I feel like I'm hanging by a thread, that thread is giving me hope that maybe tomorrow or the next day or the next week, the clouds will start to clear up and the threat of hope I'm hanging by will become stronger and become a rope and life, although changed, will once again be full of meaning and purpose... and even though I miss all the people who have died this year, I can look forward to seeing them again in heaven.

I apologize for rambling and if this doesn't make sense... I just wanted to post something. Kuya Danny died on January 4th... he's a family friend who battled with colon cancer for several years, Ive known him since I was a baby coz our Moms are best friends, almost like family... last Tuesday, we heard that Auntie Sarah died in the PI... she was diagnosed wtih lung cancer late October... she was my prayer partner at church; she always prayed for me and Frendell and never failed to let me know..... then Friday, I heard that a couple who is so close to our hearts suffered the loss of their baby and we are heartbroken with them.... sometimes there is so much loss and tragedy that I have a hard time processing and keeping up with it.... sometimes all I can do is hang in there... I hope you all have a great week.... hope... the thread that binds us all together....

Disconnected

It's been awhile since I've posted here. It's the Christmas season and yet I feel so disconnected from everything. So many things have happened since the last time I posted. On Dec 4th, Auntie Presidia Sagrado went home to be with the Lord. She was Mom to our good friends Presa, Amabel, Heidy, Alden, Ligaya, Noel and Joneth. In a way, it happened so suddenly but in the end we were all glad that she died peacefully, as if she just went to sleep. We watched some of the most tender last moments of Auntie's and Uncle Sal's lives... he was so comforting and loving to her until the very end. We grieve with our friends for her loss.. this has been a very difficult year, as we have had so many funerals this year. All of them have affected us in different ways and yet the end result is the same... we will miss someone we love and care for and life will be just a little bit different now because we feel the loss.

I just can't rouse myself to feel the Christmas spirit. I've been searching for the Christmas CDs and I still can't find them... at this rate, it'll be 4th of July by the time I find them. Maybe we'll have to have a Christmas in July celebration instead. I feel so disconnected from everything and everyone. Frendell asked me if I wanted to put up the tree. Initially, i wanted to... was even excited about it. But when I thought of the emotional energy and physical energy it would take to do it, I opted not to. So, he found some little Christmas decor that we've put around the house and that's the extent of our holiday spirit. Mom & Dad arrived last Monday, so that has helped us get more excited as the holiday is approaching. Looking forward to having Winnchee and Bryan come on Christmas day. I continue to have difficulty with sleeping, although when i use the blue light for therapy, it does make me sleepier earlier at night. I am hoping that my circadian rhythm will be closer to normal soon.

Tonight we will go to church for Christmas service. I know that 'my feelings' are tangential and not always reliable. So even though I feel disconnected with Christmas, I cannot help but feel thankful that Jesus would come down to save me. The children's department at Chicago Fi-am did a wonderful program last Sabbath about "The Best Christmas Present Ever". And they sung and talked about a Baby who came down from heaven so that He could offer the world salvation. It is indeed the best Christmas present ever. This gives me so much hope and I am thankful that He loves me enough to come to earth for me. I am so thankful and grateful for my family, who never ceases to share their love and affection and care, whether or not I express my love and affection and care on a consistent basis. I am so blessed to have such caring and thoughtful friends, who continue to show their love in so many different ways... whether by taking me to lunch, calling or emailing me, sending me a card, giving me baked goods that they made, inviting me to their house to hang out and relax while I wait for Frendell to finish with his meetings, inviting me to the museum... so many acts of kindness and love. I am grateful for our church families, who continue to show their support and love in so many different ways... from praying for us all the way to giving us gifts and food, I have so many blessings to be thankful for. God continues to show His love in so many ways, often tangible. Treatments continue and so do the side effects... but praise the Lord for He helps me through them.... and that is one Christmas gift I am thankful for....

Windows of Hope Project

Today, Michelle R. and I packed 4 boxes to send to the Philippines... boxes full of Bibles, clothes, towels, some toys and some school supplies. I am so grateful that she took the time to help me as I am still in pain and have been trying to pack box by box. It has been taking a very long time. Gave me time to reminisce our time last year when we were there for a mission trip. The things we take for granted here could help so many there. I am so glad we are able to help there where we can... and I am so thankful for our family and friends who helped with this project. Windows of Hope is the name of our project of sending much needed to supplies to the Philippines. I am very tired and very sore but I am so glad we got it done and now it can be sent on its way.

Yesterday I went to the cancer center for my treatment. The place was beautifully decorated with Christmas trees and holly and white lights. In the main lobby, they had the tree that was in Cardinal Bernardine's home when he was still alive and living here in Chicago. His estate lends it every Christmas to the cancer center that was named for him. There were more kids in my clinic yesterday as well. It touches my heart how brave these kids are. So many of them had lost their hair due to chemotherapy. It was neat to see parents trying to hard to make life normal for these kids. One family of 3 had their backpacks with their school work and books to read while their brother was getting treatment. A teacher was there for an hour as well. They're all staying at the Ronald McDonald house during this time. We are so fortunate that we have these kinds of services here. One kid was playing by the tree and the Mom made a comment that she was glad they had trees up, as her son has been asking for one and she hasn't had the energy to put one up. I felt the same way... as much as I want to put up a tree, I know I do not have the energy to put into it. Besides, I think we donated our tree away last year. Frendell did find our creche and some little decorations and we put those around the house and that will be our Christmas decor for this year. A part of me was sad that I don't have the energy to do all the things I used to do for Christmas.. I miss that... and yet a part of me is glad that I can focus more on the more important things.... like contemplating on God's greatest gift for us.

We are having snow flurries as I write this... winter is here and the Christmas spirit is in the air... so many things to be thankful for, so many blessings to count. May you feel the joy of the season...