Heart

 Just trying to plug along these days. Next week will be crazy with daily appts for blood work, doctor's appt and my treatment... why can't it all be scheduled for the same day????  sorry, that's my rant and rave for the day :-)


I've really been having a hard time with sleeping and I think it is starting to affect my heart. I've been experiencing a lot of heart pain and have been trying to determine if I need to go to the ER or not. Coupled with this is a cold that has been lingering so I've had an upset stomach and all and nothing tastes right or feels right, so I'm kinda confused. The tachycardia I know is from the Graves disease but I was thinking/hoping that that should've improved because I've been on the thyroid medicine for almost a month now and my levels should be improving. Sometimes I wake up at night and my heart hurts literally.... not squeezing pain but sometimes shooting pain. I've had some of these symptoms before, have had ECHO and EKGs done and it's always normal.... but sometimes I can't help but feel concerned that I should be paying more attention to it than not. I'll have to remember to ask the endocrinologist about the heart involvement for Graves disease.


The left eye continues to heal but I still am not able to put on the contacts. It's very frustrating as I have a harder time seeing with glasses -peripheral vision is so affected for me. I think the problems is that the left eyeball is bulging out further now that it's hard keeping the contacts in the eye; it keeps popping out. I can literally feel my eyeball protruding more than usual. Kinda scary and gross at the same time :-(   I'm still having a hard time seeing from the left eye.  I'm just glad I'm able to magnify the letters on email, otherwise I wouldn't be able to update or read email and stuff.


We continue to pray for and plan for the upcoming mission trip. Everyday I self talk that it's good to focus on someone else who has less than I do. It really helps me from feeling sorry for myself and I realize that inspite of what I feel I don't have here, there are so many that have even less than me. I've written up a newsletter  about the mission trip, where we're going, etc. I promise I will talk to all the pertinent doctors before making the final decision to go and I will ask if I am medically stable enough to go. I think I am as the  medicines all seem to be doing their jobs. To be honest, Frendell does not want me to go and would rather I stay, either home or in Manila, but I'd really like to go and meet the indigenous students, take their pictures and tell their stories  to you. I can only do that if I go. It will help remind me that life is bigger than cancer and Graves disease and medications and surgeries and blood work and treatment. But I know all those things have to be considered as well, so I will not be stubborn and flippant. I have been working with the medical team and will ask my questions and hopefully be able to make my final decision soon. Please keep us in your prayers. Frendell is crazy-busy with so many projects and work demands and driving me to my medical appts.. poor guy needs some alone vacation time just to recuperate :-). As soon as I can go back to work and earn some money, I will send him on a fishing trip ALONE :-)


Have had some distressing and heartbreaking news from some friends lately.  Been praying for them and hoping that healing will start now; most of all I pray that they will feel the love and support of a community of people surrounding them. It constantly reminds me that life is not just about me and my needs... I am trying not to be so selfish and I'm hoping that in focusing on others and their needs that God is reconstructing my heart to resemble more His heart for others. I thank you all for your love and support and I hope we will open our hearts to His calling, His whispers.