Rough week

Our November is starting out with a bang. Last Saturday night, we were on our way home from a meeting in the Round Lake/Grayslake area when a buck was hit by a car traveling on the left lane and he landed on the right lane and then we turned and ran right over him. Frendell had no time to stop to avoid him as the other car had just hit him. It was a pretty gruesome experience for me and I must admit that when I opened the car door to try and get out and saw his hind legs right there, I started freaking out. Fortunately Frendell was very calm and he told me to stop freaking out as he was trying to get our car off the buck. His antlers punctured our radiator and condenser and damages are worth over $2000. The tow guy was very unprofessional and rude and he tried to convince Frendell to have our car towed to his friend's place. We told him we had insurance and asked him to tow it to a place that AAA had recommended, just a mile down the street from the accident. Froy came right away to pick us up and for that I am so thankful. It was very cold outside and we couldn't keep our car running because all the fluid had drained out. I am so thankful that God kept us safe, that we didn't get hit by another car following behind us and we didn't run into a ditch. The policeman was very nice and stayed until Froy got there. I was tired and quite disturbed by the whole thing. The policeman said they are having problems with deer lately in that area... overpopulation... one of their car also hit a deer earlier in the week.

I'm back to PT and this week we have a new therapist. He really tried to stretch me and had me do some strengthening exercises. I was very sore and had so much throbbing in y right arm for the next couple of days. Yesterday was a the very first time that I tried a full day schedule doing evaluations. I am so glad I was partnered up with Carol and Cheryl was our service coordinator. I think I was very anxious about how I would do and worried about remembering things. Carol had so graciously offered to drive me to all the evals and do you know what happened? You all think 'chemo brain' may be funny, but when I have moments that I don't remember things, I really hate it and I panic. Well, what a rough morning I had. Had a hard time sleeping the night before, so I had a hard time waking up yesterday morning. So, I was runny very late and finally Frendell and I were on our way. I texted Carol, telling her we were running just a tad late. She said it was fine, but she'll go to the back. That's when it hit me... she was at our house and we were driving to her house. How could I have forgotten that she was going to pick me up? We talked about it just the day before when she came over. How dumb and stupid could I be? So, we agreed that Frendell will just take me to the first home and we'll meet up there. Of course, I burst into tears and I looked at Frendell and asked him, "Do you really think I'm ready to do this?" He looked at me, grabbed my hand and said calmly, "I know you are. It will be okay. You'll be fine". So, we drove to the first home. I am looking around and discovered we were the first ones there. After 5 minutes, I get a call. It was Cheryl. "Glady, are you here already?" "Yes, we are right in front of the house". "So am I", said Cheryl. I told her, "I don't see your car". Cheryl said, "I will get out so you can see me, I am right across from the home". I am looking for Cheryl's car. I asked Frendell to look for both Cheryl's and Carol's cars. I don't see them. Finally Cheryl said, "Are you at ____ South _______ ?" I told her I am at the address that mapquest gave me. Well, as it turns out, there are address that are the same on the north and south sides of this particular street. Both Carol and Cheryl were already at the home and we were parked on the north side and they were on the south side. Aaaarrrrrgggghhhhh....... I really was crying by then. I just wanted to go home and go back to bed. I was already tired and we hadn't even started the day yet. Any confidence I thought I had mustered up had gone out the window, evaporated into tears.

I am so fortunate and blessed to have colleagues who believe in me and who are genuinely concerned for me. Both Cheryl and Carol were very understanding, as it is in their nature to be patient, and they told me to take a deep breath and that everything will be fine and will work out. I gathered myself together, kissed Frendell good-bye and thanked him for driving me and letting me know that he believes in me. It was a very long day. Two out of three kids were eligible and both of those evaluations turned out to be challenging. Sometimes I struggled to remember the order of things, how we used to things to make everything flow. Carol and I have worked together for so many years that we had developed some sort of system.... who will do what and who will ask what. I felt out-of-sync since I haven't worked with her in so long. I felt like my rhythm was off and sometimes I felt like my brain was so slow in processing things or coming up with things. After the second evaluation, I was tired and could've used a nap :-) But, we had a 3rd one to do... and it all worked out in the end. I am ever so grateful to Carol for driving me home because I don't think I could've driven home, especially with traffic. I just wanted to go home and lay down. I was so very tired and my right armpit was throbbing. So, that's what I didn't when I got home... went to bed and rested. I am so thankful that I am surrounded by colleagues who care about me and would help me out when I needed them. In spite of the rough beginning yesterday, it turned out to be a very nice day, productive as well. And everything did work out in the end. I am wiling to continue trying it out until I can get back to the swing of things. I didn't want to dwell on lost time, lost anything... I just wanted to make sure that I did the best I could and that I remembered to ask all the things I needed to ask. So now, on to typing up the reports.... and then on the way home, I got a phone call that I am getting audited... another stressor..... aaarrrggghhhhhh...... fortunately, I only have ONE file they're going to review... could you believe it? I've done one evaluation and they're already on it for review..... why did I hurry back to work again????